Two and a Half Men

Season 9

TV-14

41%29%

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

Where to Watch Season 9

24 Episodes

Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
E1
Nice to Meet You, Walden SchmidtAlan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.
People Who Love Peepholes
E2
People Who Love PeepholesWalden buys Charlie's house and hires Berta as his live-in housekeeper, forcing Alan to move back in with his mom. However, Alan sees an opportunity to come back when Walden asks for advice about getting his wife back.
Big Girls Don't Throw Food
E3
Big Girls Don't Throw FoodAlan prepares Walden for a date with Bridget, while Jake decides to emulate Walden and drop out of school.
Nine Magic Fingers
E4
Nine Magic FingersWalden realizes after the disastrous dinner his chances of patching up with Bridget are negligible. Alan abuses his hospitality to bring over his best ex Lyndsey, even Bertha her equally unattractive 'beau' Elmer. Alan convinces Walden to start looking for girls in bars. To his horror, but Jake's frustrated delight, Charlie's leach-like gold-digger lover Courtney hooks Walden.
A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
E5
A Giant Cat Holding a ChurroAlan has trouble accepting Lyndsey's seedy movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party.
The Squat and the Hover
E6
The Squat and the HoverWalden feels it's time for a new start and a move to New York when served divorce papers. Alan can't afford to loose his free ride again, so he convinces Walden to try Charlie's therapist, Dr. Linda Freeman. She smells her own meal ticket, thrice a week, but saves Alan's bacon. Both house-mates' spirits are lifted when they bump in a bar into Bridget Schmidt's lookalike Danny and her lesbian partner, in for some bi fun.
Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
E7
Those Fancy Japanese ToiletsWalden hires Evelyn as his interior decorator, but Alan is convinced that she just wants to take advantage of him sexually. Meanwhile, Alan inherits Charlie's journal, and Jake has a crush on his tutor, but she has a crush on Walden.
Thank You for the Intercourse
E8
Thank You for the IntercourseAs part of his divorce closure and start of a new single dating life, Walden redecorates the beach house. When Charlie's piano is taken away, already jealous Alan also turns melancholic and ends up incarnating his dearly missed brother, getting drunk and picking up girls as Charlie, down to his name and Bermudas. Jake feels insecure, squashed between two fellow losers turning into Charlies.
Frodo's Headshots
E9
Frodo's HeadshotsJust released after long mental therapy in a strict 'stress clinic', Alan's life quickly turns nightmarish again. On the ride home, he learns Jake sired Megan's baby. Walden took his place as Lindsy's lover and packed his bags, mother pretends not to be home and his car wreck can't even serve fr suicide, so he must spend the night in the storage Walden arranged for his last possessions. Then the cards are reshuffled again.
A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
E10
A Fishbowl Full of Glass EyesWalden asks a girl out. When they go out, he can't help but talk about his failed marriage, making his date wonder if he's ready to move on. Alan is in the red, financially. Walden gives his ring to Alan, because he wants to move on. Alan considers selling it. But reconsiders.
What a Lovely Landing Strip
E11
What a Lovely Landing StripDespite her vain protestation, a frivolous dinner flight by private jet to Guadalajara wins Zoey completely for Walden, who feels ready commit to her and sign his divorce. Just then Bridget turns up, claiming she wants to give their 15 years old relationship a last change. Alan now gives advice based on his determination to keep his residence.
One False Move, Zimbabwe!
E12
One False Move, Zimbabwe!Walden's mother arrives and Alan is smitten with her, even as she reveals a secret about Walden's past that sends him into a downward spiral.
Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
E13
Slowly and in a Circular FashionWalden’s ex-wife and mother try to take control of his company, so he turns to Alan for help.
A Possum on Chemo
E14
A Possum on ChemoZoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.
The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
E15
The Duchess of Dull-in-SackWalden tries to loosen Zooey up by sharing some of Berta's special brownies.
Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
E16
Sips, Sonnets and SodomyStrained relationships and girl-fighting result when a huge storm traps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lyndsey in the house on Valentine's Day.
Not in My Mouth!
E17
Not in My Mouth!Zoey's repeated inability to replay to Walden's sweet 'I love you' either when they fear his private jet might crash or just using a hurry as an excuse convinces him, against Alan's soothing advice, that she doesn't, so he dates Jennifer, the first fox he meets in an elevator. Lyndsey's drinking gets excessive, and even her vomiting a cause of incessant disgust for everyone in the beach-house. Walden finds out the root of Zoey's attitude.
The War Against Gingivitis
E18
The War Against GingivitisWalden's ex-business partner shows up at the beach house looking to make peace.
Palmdale, Ech
E19
Palmdale, EchWalden takes pity on dating-clueless Jake and Eldrigde, even volunteering to drive the knaves to their high school party rather than lending them his luxury car, only to find the boneheads hopelessly ill-prepared. So the trio gets lost, but Walden offers an alternative. Meeting Lydnsey's parasitic, sanctimoniously implied-critical mother and decides to present her to his, unsuspecting they quickly forge an eerie cahoots bond.
Grandma's Pie
E20
Grandma's PieZoe is upset when she finds out that Bridget is a business partner in Walden's latest venture, while Alan and Lyndsey have an awkward dinner with their moms, who are now lovers and are planning to move in together.
Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'
E21
Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'As trial run for becoming a household, Walden invites Zoey to stay a weekend with daughter Ava, who adores her potential stepfather, but as Berta predicted, the spoiled-rotten kid exhausts him relentlessly to utter despair, while Zoey enjoys 'sweet freedom'. Alan already dreaded having to move out so-long, but couldn't guess the constant, positively dangerous misery he encounters at Lyndsey's home.
Why We Gave Up Women
E22
Why We Gave Up WomenCharlie's ghost pays a visit to Alan after he suffers a minor heart attack.
The Straw in My Donut Hole
E23
The Straw in My Donut HoleAlan is showered with love and affection upon returning from the hospital, but Zoey isn’t so sure it’s deserved.
Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
E24
Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!Jake and Eldridge finally graduate, but have neither skills nor ambition. Against Walden's warning how useless and dangerous the knaves are, when Alan comes begging for jobs for them, Walden's business partner Billy Stanhope insists on hiring them just to mind the servers farm. Alas, their porn addiction ends up bringing in a major virus. Just fired, they become easy prey for the military-recruiting sergeant, so he becomes Alan's next opponent.