Two and a Half Men

Season 12

TV-14

33%28%

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

Where to Watch Season 12

16 Episodes

The Ol' Mexican Spinach
E1
The Ol' Mexican SpinachWhile he and Alan prepare for Halloween, Walden, costumed as zombie Elvis, has a minor cardiac crisis. During home revalidation, he takes stock of his life and decides his fortune is worthless without an heir. Given his disastrous dating history, Walden hopes to adopt, but is told only couples are seriously considered. Alan, who hoped to be adopted as heir, gets a surprising alternative offer.
A Chic Bar in Ibiza
E2
A Chic Bar in IbizaAlan's initial delight over billionaire Walden's marriage proposal subsides when Walden waves all trimming and it comes with a prenuptial. Their respective mothers push them to stand their ground, but a breakup makes both mates realize they don't want to be separated, so the 'non-sexual gay' couple's wedding is on.
Glamping in a Yurt
E3
Glamping in a YurtNow Walden is legally married to Alan, the 'gay' couple must prove themselves a stable pair to make his adoption application stick. So they practice what to say and even demonstrative physical intimacy, actually getting to Alan's taste. It all goes great during the adoption officer's home visit, except that Lyndsey turns up, drunk as a skunk and more eager to jump Alan's bones then to help their case, so she must be kept hidden.
Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
E4
Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-EightA birth mother considers having Walden and Alan adopt her baby.
Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
E5
Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.Walden becomes a foster parent to a 6-year-old boy, but worries about himself when they don't hit it off like he hoped.
Alan Shot a Little Girl
E6
Alan Shot a Little GirlWalden and Alan finally get foster parenthood of Louis, but as Walden feared and social worker McMartin warned, the rascal is used to manipulate caregivers skillfully. Alan proves an easy prey for child pleas and tears, an most to the treat of being the cool parent, rather then having to control Jake. That forces generous Walden into the uncharacteristically unpopular part of the strict voice of reason, and strains the men's bond.
Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
E7
Sex with an Animated Ed AsnerWalden gets utterly exhausted by Louis's inexhaustible boy energy, so Alan suggests finding some playmates who can exhaust the rascal for them. Walden takes them to a playground, but Louis keeps insisting Walden must play with him. Alan is luckier, as kids mothers are eager to bond with a gay 'father' and his 'gay partner', potential best friends. Soon both co-parents have made girl friends and must come clean about being straight.
Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey
E8
Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried TurkeyAlan and Walden are having Christmas with Louis. They learn that he doesn't believe in Santa Claus. So Walden tries to prove him wrong. He gets a guy to play Santa and he will bring Louis' gift, a bike, which Rose told them he wants. Problem is the Santa he got, shows up drunk and Alan wanting to save money doesn't have the bike delivered assembled.
Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
E9
Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, LyndseyWalden and Louis's play-date Louise's mother are ready for sex, but he can't do it with Louis at home, and even in a hotel-room parental sensitivities prove excessive. Finding Alan in poor general shape, Herb drags him to the gym, where they meet Lyndsey, who won't be told by one ex to avoid the other, hence lands back in Herb's bed.
Here I Come, Pants!
E10
Here I Come, Pants!Alan takes it upon himself to help Walden keep Louis after the social worker discovers he and Walden are not really a gay couple.
For Whom the Booty Calls
E11
For Whom the Booty CallsAlan is now happy as a clam as adoption officer McMartin's lover, but that only adds to Walden's stress for Louis's long-term benefit. Rather then answering his many questions about adoptive parenting, she refers him to a fathers support group. That male bonding without strings or clingy Alan is just what Walden needed, but when Walden hosts the group, his 'spunge spouse' wriggles in against explicit promises.
A Beer-Battered Rip-Off
E12
A Beer-Battered Rip-OffWhen Alan breaks up with their social worker to get back together with Lyndsey, Walden worries it will affect Louis’ adoption.
Boompa Loved His Hookers
E13
Boompa Loved His HookersIn bed with adoption officer McMartin, Walden realizes she's a loon and ponders breaking up. Hearing that Alan turned down moving int a new home with Lyndsey to stay in the beach-house, Walden concludes they're wasting their best opportunities and risks telling the truth, as previous disastrous revelations didn't actually mes up the adoption. That works out for both of the men, or at least initially.
Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
E14
Don't Give a Monkey a GunAfter they sign their divorce papers, Walden offers Alan the gift of his choice, but when Alan chooses something selfish and impractical, it puts his relationship with Lyndsey on the line.
Of Course He's Dead (1)
E15
Of Course He's Dead (1)Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?
Of Course He's Dead (2)
E16
Of Course He's Dead (2)Alan gets a letter saying that Charlie has over two million in royalties. And he of course tries to get it but he needs Charlie's death certificate. So he goes to his mother to get it but she doesn't have it. And when Alan and his mother get packages and messages of a threatening nature, they wonder, is he really dead.