RiffTrax Shorts
Season 2020
The stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988) riff on weird and oddball educational shorts.
Where to Watch Season 2020
28 Episodes
- Squeak the SquirrelE1
Squeak the SquirrelSquirrels. You see them all the time, and always the same question runs through your head: "Could one of these things pull a peanut out of a plastic tube with a string?" This short not only answers that question, but puts forth the notion that squirrels are actually super-brilliant geniuses, using the titular Squeak as an example. When he's not being forced to perform bizarre tasks for a mysterious team of squirrel scientists, Squeak spends his time eating, binge-eating, smashing his head against solid objects, and eating. You may not think of these as impressive feats now, but by the end you will come to truly believe in the astonishing brilliance of Squeak the Squirrel. For all this and more, join Bridget and Mary Jo on their nuttiest short yet! - Kids Guide to the InternetE2
Kids Guide to the InternetRemember what life was like before we all had the Internet implanted directly in our corneas? Families talked during dinner, strangers said hello to you on the street, nobody got doxxed or swatted. It was a living hell! The Kids Guide to the Internet is an amazing snapshot of Online in the mid-90s, back when the Internet was something you still had to convince your parents to “get.” It covers all three things you could do in cyberspace at that point: sports scores, stocks, and away messages comprised of angsty KoRn lyrics. It was a simpler time, when every webring was Under Construction and your mom always seemed to pick up the phone and knock you offline just as the a/s/l check in the Red Dragon Inn was getting particularly steamy. Please join the extremely fake family The Jamisons, who invite their extremely fake neighbors into their extremely fake living room to get extremely online (at 14.4 bauds!) with RiffTrax Senior Writers Conor Lastowka and Sean Thomason. - Bicycle Safety CampE3
Bicycle Safety CampEvery kid hates it when their parents ruin fun by telling them to wear a bike helmet and follow the rules. It’s been a problem throughout history. But then along came the 90s, with a great 90s solution: have a lame gym coach rap the rules at them instead! The coach assembles a Burger King Kids Club-style rogues' gallery of bike riders and forces them to attend some kind of outdoor detention. There’s Rebop the bad kid and Arthur the bookworm, but the real stars of the show are the competing bike helmet safety regulation commissions, ANSI and Snell. Talk about fun!!! This day-glo rapping nightmare burned into Conor’s memory in childhood when a friend showed him the VHS, now join him and Sean as they exorcise bike demons in Bicycle Safety Camp! Stay tuned to the end for a corporate sponsor you definitely won’t see coming. - A Green Thumb for MacaulayE4
A Green Thumb for MacaulayIt’s a classic 60s informational short about improving your home, which means it’s really a secret commercial for something. In this case? A line of gardening tools! An exceptionally vintage American family, complete with an odd kid and a dachshund, sets out to landscape their massive average-family yard (again, it was the 60s, average people had massive yards back then). They travel to the gardening store, which fortunately for the wife has a section of “Lighter Tools for Women” (no, really, it’s in the short!). The married couple have a strangely deep bond with the guy who works there, considering they are new to gardening. What’s really going on between these people and Arthur, the friendly gardening store guy? It’s all in the subtext, and that’s what we’re here for! Rake, hoe, dig, but most importantly, buy buy buy, it’s fun to be a consumer who consumes! No gardening tools required to join Mike, Kevin and Bill for A Green Thumb for Macaulay! - Beginning Responsibility: A Lunchroom Goes BananasE5
Beginning Responsibility: A Lunchroom Goes BananasA Lunchroom Goes Bananas is from their 70s era, which usually means lots of confused kids with shaggy haircuts and some kind of disturbing puppetry. And this one doesn’t disappoint! It’s got claymation food that goes on strike, student investigative reporters, and a boy with an unexplained rat on his shoulder. What it doesn’t have is a clear point or reason for existing, another classic hallmark of any good Beginning Responsibility short. Learn some lessons from a talking eggplant, get yourself a steaming bowl of banana soup, and join Mike, Kevin and Bill in the cafeteria for Beginning Responsibility: A Lunchroom Goes Bananas! - Little Red Riding HoodE6
Little Red Riding Hood Little Red Riding Hood is one of our most beloved fairy tales, and for good reason! It’s got a little bit of everything: child abduction, elder abuse, and muffins. So it was just a matter of time before some enterprising filmmakers took a look at this charming story and thought “What if we made it super creepy?” This short, presumably filmed mere minutes after the motion picture was invented, features a wolf costume that was definitely once used in some sort of ritual. All the human actors seem deeply suspicious of the cameraman, possibly because they were worried his camera was capturing their soul. All in all, it’s the sort of delightful tale that you could easily imagine Santa telling a bunch of disinterested children on the beach right before the Ice Cream Bunny shows up. - Arranging the Buffet SupperE7
Arranging the Buffet Supper Are you considering having an informal gathering where people serve themselves the food you’ve prepared? NOT SO FAST. First, you’ll need to complete this course, Arranging The Buffet Supper. Together with Bridget and Mary Jo, you’ll learn how to put food and forks on a table, and other hard stuff! (This counts toward Continuing Education credits.) - First Aid for Children - I Can Do it MyselfE8
First Aid for Children - I Can Do it MyselfWhether riding a bike, shooting some hoops, or just attempting to use paper, kids can find all kinds of neat ways to injure themselves. And the world is full of dirt and grime that’s desperate to get rubbed into those wounds. Especially when this short was made, the 1970s, the grimiest decade in modern history. First Aid for Children will show you how to take care of those cuts, or get help from a kindly stranger (just temporarily ignore all the other shorts telling you not to talk to strangers). Horror buffs will be pleased to know the short doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to gore, there’s a papercut that looks like a real ER situation. Join Mike, Kevin and Bill for another fun entry in the “kids getting hurt” genre, it’s First Aid for Children! - Appreciating Our ParentsE9
Appreciating Our ParentsAs you might guess, Appreciating Our Parents has a pretty heavy pro-parent bias. It focuses on Tommy, a little boy who apparently thinks his room just gets magically cleaned while he’s away at school, and his meals delivered by angels, and his cowboy shirts mended by helpful gnomes. Oh yeah, the cowboy shirts - this kid Tommy goes through cowboy shirts like nobody’s business. Westernwear stores struggle to keep up with his insane demand for cowboy shirts. And his poor sweet mother? Spends her days hunched over a sewing machine, forever mending the cowboy shirts he keeps finding new ways to destroy. Appreciate your parents and cool it with the cowboy shirts, Tommy! So what are you waiting for, put on your best cowboy shirt and get to appreciating! Join Mike, Kevin and Bill for Appreciating Our Parents! - An Airplane Trip By JetE10
An Airplane Trip By JetThe story follows Sue and Bob, two kids dropped off at the airport by their grandparents to fly on this insane new technology all by themselves! Except they won’t be alone, they’re bringing their extremely nervous dog. But it’s the past, so the dog doesn’t ride in the cabin with them, she gets shoved into a metal cage for a safe and comfortable ride in the belly of the plane. Seeya on the other side, pooch! Maybe! It’s a fascinating glimpse into a time when air travel featured comfortable waiting rooms, friendly staff, and seats so big you could actually sit in them. Imagine! All these wonders and more await you in the friendly skies. Join Mike, Kevin and Bridget for An Airplane Trip By Jet! - Speak Up, Andrew!E11
Speak Up, Andrew!It’s Parents’ Night at Andrew’s school, and nerves are on edge. Andrew is a fifth-grader who has alienated everyone around him with his vague instructions and confusing driving directions. Will his presentation on how to communicate clearly heal the wounds of his classmates? - Senior PowerE12
Senior Power It's a gritty, unflinching look at purse snatching and obscene phone calls, and the Senior Power that unleashes the hidden might of retirees. You’ll learn earth-shattering self-defense techniques such as dumping the contents of your purse into the middle of the street, playing a recording of dogs, and actually hanging up the phone. Oh did we mention there are high-intensity police chases too? They really balance out the five or so minutes nana spends drinking coffee at the bank. Join Bridget, Mary Jo and several narrators looking at cue cards for Senior Power! - Let's Give Kitty a BathE13
Let's Give Kitty a BathCats. They’re famous for many things: mouse hunting, napping in sunshine, serving attitude, and, of course, cleaning themselves. They spend roughly 80% of every day licking their own fur in this endless quest for hygiene. Does that matter to the two kids psychotically obsessed with giving kitty a bath in Let’s Give Kitty a Bath? As you may have guessed by now, it does not! It’s a live-action Looney Tune as this young boy and girl chase a cat around the house for bathing. It’s not even clear that the cat belongs to them, or that this is their house. There is a criminal air about these children, and the lengths to which they’ll go to bathe this undirty cat will astonish you. Let the ransacking commence. Order some cat-catching products from Acme and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Let’s Give Kitty a Bath! - Goldilocks and the Three BearsE15
Goldilocks and the Three Bears The story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears has been retold countless times. But it took those mad bastards at Coronet to decide to inject some life into the tired fairy tale. How did they do this? REAL BEARS! Yes, one day some parents dropped off their adorable four year old at Coronet Studios. As we all know, this was a huge mistake. But instead of being traumatized by a sentient pillow or Mr. Bungle, this kid shared a stage with REAL BEARS. Were they trained bears? WHAT THE HELL DOES IT MATTER, THEY WERE THREE REAL BEARS. Also, no, they were not trained, they were led around by extremely flimsy looking leashes. Clearly, dozens of laws were violated during this short, and possibly even the Geneva Convention. In other words, it’s a must-watch RiffTrax! - The Big Yellow FellowE16
The Big Yellow FellowThat’s right, The Big Yellow Fellow is all about the love between a boy and his bus. And you thought YOUR childhood was lonely! The bus, which is a sentient being that can smile but cannot speak, creepily follows Jackie home from school. But instead of offering him candy to go for a ride like in so many other educational shorts of the past, the bus just wants to be his friend. This is disturbing to Jackie’s parents, who inexplicably act like characters in a failed 60s sitcom. Then they get inside the bus to teach Jackie about bus safety. They also drive the bus, which had previously driven itself, opening deep philosophical questions about whether the bus has free will. It’s plenty weird, but none of that will prepare you for the third act twist. We’ll just tease it with this phrase “Professor Popper’s Pedigreed Pekingese Puppies.” To find out more, join Mike, Kevin and Bill for a ride on The Big Yellow Fellow! - My Brother is Afraid of Just About EverythingE17
My Brother is Afraid of Just About Everything Young Timmy is scared of everything: televisions, civil servants, and everything in between. His brother Martin tries to help, but he gets more and more frustrated with his lily-livered little brother. The worm turns when Timmy discovers the one thing he’s not afraid of! Tune in with Bridget and Mary Jo, and stick around for the special surprise twist ending to this short film! - Am I Trustworthy?E18
Am I Trustworthy?Am I Trustworthy? It’s a question that can only be answered by the person asking it... but only if they’re trustworthy, which is the question being asked. Confused yet? We’re knee-deep in a logic puzzle, and a new Coronet short! The questioner in question is young Eddie. Eddie is upset because he lost the election for Treasurer of his “hobby club.” Yes, Eddie’s goals are quite low, but he can’t seem to attain them because the kids at school don’t trust him (also, his haircut is pretty bad). Fortunately, Eddie has a Classic 1950s Coronet Dad to help him out. Dad explains the importance of being trustworthy, not only for winning minor school elections but also for running a cash register, fixing a lamp, and other household chores that Dad wedges into the category of “trustworthiness.” Everything’s about trustworthiness, if you force it! We’re still not sure about Eddie, but you can trust Mike, Kevin and Bill for plenty of laughs in Am I Trustworthy? - U.S. Elections: How We VoteE19
U.S. Elections: How We VoteEverybody loves elections, and they never cause any controversy or stress at all. But how do they work? It’s becoming quite clear that nobody really knows, but fortunately our new short U.S. Elections: How We Vote is here to clear everything up! Though here, How We Vote is really more how we voted back in 1970, shortly after the voting age was lowered to 18. The explanation of the process here is remarkably thorough - ready to see an Address-O-Graph in action, everyone? And if you’re worried about voting security nowadays, wait until you get a load of this short. Some voting centers were just set up in peoples' homes! You’d walk into a stranger’s house, fill out a ballot in pencil, hand it to them, and leave! As long as they had an American flag out front, you assumed everything was fine! None of this is an exaggeration! Let your voting anxieties be soothed by the terrifyingly casual elections of the past. Join Mike, Kevin and Bill for U.S. Elections: How We Vote! - Voting at 18E20
Voting at 18 What young citizen doesn’t look forward to the freedoms that come with turning 18? Lottery tickets, cigarettes, being able to click “yes I’m 18” on websites with slightly less shame. Oh, and also voting. Voting is pretty cool too, even if you can’t buy it at a convenience store. And if there’s anyone who understands “cool” it’s Coronet Films.Voting at 18 is especially cool, bordering on groovy, because it’s a rare Coronet Film from the 70s! Dig the haircuts, the clothes, the random shots of drug use and international strife meant to indicate “these difficult times.” Yeah, times were difficult back then too, who knew? Coronet did, that’s who! No matter your age, you’re legally allowed and encouraged to enjoy Voting at 18 with Mike, Kevin, and Bill. Strap on a big hairdo and some sideburns and head on down to the Place of Registration, baby! - Victory SquadE21
Victory Squad Have you ever wanted to see how the Republican Party ran a local get-out-the-vote operation in the late 60s? You have?! Well then you’re almost certainly already familiar with Victory Squad, which is no doubt the defining classic of a genre that thankfully includes no other shorts that we know about. It’s hosted by Gipper and The Duke. No, not the Gipper and The Duke who have the third highest rated morning zoo show in the Quad Cities. The OGs: John Wayne (real name: Marion Morrison) and Ronald Reagan (real name: he forgot it.) Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for a hard hitting look at democracy in action. Because while the antics of those Gipper and The Duke DJs may be “too hot for the FM dial”, there’s nothing zany about Victory Squad. Seriously, it’s a bunch of 60s Republicans wearing suits while they sip non-alcoholic punch inside a converted Woolworth’s store front. It’s the least zany thing that has ever existed. Go vote, dammit! - Tuesday in NovemberE22
Tuesday in November It’s the first Tuesday in November, and it’s time to do your civic duty. It may not be fun, but it’s your responsibility. We’ve been doing it so long that sometimes we forget why, but it’s more important now than ever. Yes, it’s time to bitch endlessly about Daylight Saving Time. It’s also time to Vote, and there’s no better way to get someone to do that than showing them a film where ancient people explain our three branches of government until they run shrieking out of the classroom and directly into a polling place. This film is so old, we only had 48 states when it was made. Now it’s rumored that we have substantially more than that! There’s no way to know for sure since Coronet stopped making shorts 40 years ago. Please join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Tuesday in November. - The MunchersE23
The MunchersMunchers! It isn’t a new budget horror franchise from the makers of Feeders, but it’s almost as disturbing in its own way. The Munchers is a claymation romp about your teeth, which apparently have faces and mouths containing little teeth of their own. Teeth within teeth, how deep does this thing go? The teeth also hop out of their gums to run around, square dance, and flee from their very own supervillain, Mean Jack Sweet. Mean Jack Sweet tempts young teeth with candy, then rips them apart with his giant metal torture device. You have to imagine the kids who saw this short never wanted to look inside their mouths again, knowing the hellish demonic realm within. Brace yourself (no pun intended) for a terrifying musical journey into the universe of your own gums. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for The Munchers! - Alias St. NickE24
Alias St. NickAlias St. Nick is a vintage Christmas cartoon. It’s from the golden age of animation, when all toys were required to come alive and just kind of bounce up and down, and all character voices sounded like a helium balloon that’s very sick. This one belongs to the “Happy Harmonies” series, the forgotten loser in the war with Merry Melodies and Silly Symphonies. Alias St. Nick is basically Itchy and Scratchy meets Home Alone. A hungry cat finds a tree full of little mouse children and decides to eat them. So he stuffs a balloon down his pants and pretends he’s Santa to make his way inside for mousey murder. But the adorable mice see through his upsetting costume and put him through the ringer with a series of whimsical, deadly traps. It’s not the holidays without a little mouse and cat cartoon violence, throw on your creepiest Santa suit and join Mike, Kevin and Bill for Alias St. Nick! - December HolidaysE25
December HolidaysAh, the famous December Holidays. We wait for them every year. After the exciting fall festivities of Toyotathon and Geicoween, we settle into the colder months with the warm glow of Happy Honda Days, and of course, the Lexus December to Remember. Unbelievably, none of these holidays are discussed in this short. Instead, December Holidays brings focus to Chanukah, the Mexican religious festival Las Posadas, and some other holiday that happens in December… can’t remember the name, there’s some kind of tree, and socks over a fireplace or something? Anyway, all the information you need is here, along with 80s families showing you how they celebrate in 80s holiday fashion. Cozy up with a mug of hot December chocolate and enjoy December Holidays with December Mike, December Bill, and December Kevin! - The SnowmanE26
The SnowmanWhile kindly old Frosty gets most of the attention, the Snowman canon is filled with monstrous examples. You’ve got RiffTrax’s own Jack Frost, Clayfighter’s Bad Mr. Frosty, the snowman the idiot couple in Winter Wonderland forced to pretend to be Parson Brown, and of course, Calvin’s Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons. The Snowman in The Snowman joins their ranks, and may be the most terrifying of all! He exists to wreak havoc on a squad of Old Timey cartoon characters. The kind that are usually just whistling as they whitewash a fence or something. It was the thirties, people would happily watch that crap for ninety minutes in between World Wars. Anyway, they bring the snowman to life, it terrorizes them and they melt the entire arctic in order to defeat him. Does that have devastating repercussions for the rest of mankind? We’re not sure, they didn’t cover that in the ten minute cartoon! Please join Mike, Kevin, and Bill, for The Snowman! - The Blessed MidnightE27
The Blessed MidnightHooligan Teddy O’Hara shoplifts a cake from the local delicatessen to give to his beloved aunt for Christmas. Aiding and abetting him is classmate Billy, who knows of Teddy’s hard-knock life and pleads his pal’s case to Sister Mary Benedict and Monsignor Thatoneguy. From the DuPont Theater’s "Cavalcade of America" series from the 1950s, this short film doesn’t pull any punches exposing the dark side of bakery larceny. Come for the cake - but stay for Francis Bavier in a rare non-Mayberry appearance! - Santa's Space ShipE28
Santa's Space ShipHere come's Santa's Spaceship! Because, apparently, a magic sleigh that can fly all over the planet in one night wasn’t enough for him. Honestly, it just seems a little greedy! Santa’s Spaceship starts with a marionette cowboy singing a western song to an ailing reindeer, and gets weirder from there. All the marionettes living at the North Pole are worried about making the Christmas deliveries because the reindeer are getting old and tired. Rather than, say, try to help the reindeer who have served faithfully for so long, marionette Santa and his marionette friends decide to trade ‘em in for a used rocketship. The used rocketship salesman makes it pretty clear he will turn the reindeer into hamburger, but Santa goes through with the deal anyway. And still, somehow, it again gets weirder from there! Grab a warm mug of rocket fuel and settle in with Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the marionette madness of Santa’s Spaceship!