RiffTrax Shorts
Season 2012
The stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988) riff on weird and oddball educational shorts.
Where to Watch Season 2012
22 Episodes
- David and Hazel: A Story in CommunicationE5
David and Hazel: A Story in CommunicationNearly 30 minutes long, packed with tension and vintage office scenes - if the popular AMC show were called Sad Men instead, this would be that show. Instead of Don Draper we have David: not quite as sexy, perhaps, but just as distant and seemingly confused by the presence of a wife and children in his home. When there’s trouble at work and his devoted, quivering Hazel decides to ask about it, the action* really heats up (*infinite icy silence). All that, plus a freakish son who’s at least 75% alien and a roast beef dinner scene that stands as a master class in Dysfunctional Family Planning. Let Mike, Kevin and Bill bring David and Hazel into your home, but don’t you dare ask how or why it was made because that’s simply not your concern, dear. - Danger: Keep Out!E9
Danger: Keep Out!Like Shake Hands With Danger but instead of a folksy narrator, you have one that is sometimes made of clay, Danger Keep Out! is one warning sign not worth heeding! Previous quote designed to pander for prominent placement on the box cover of Danger Keep Out! VHS edition. - The Fish That Nearly DrownedE10
The Fish That Nearly DrownedThe Fish That Nearly Drowned is about a fish who [SPOILER ALERT] nearly drowns. Whoops, guess that spoiler alert should have come a bit earlier. Forget you saw it! The titular fish in question might actually drown! Because that is something that a fish can evidently do! But even though the question of whether or not the fish might drown, (he doesn’t [SPOILER ALERT] Dammit! Late again, spoiler alerts!) the true star of The Fish That Nearly Drowned is the narrator. Eschewing conventional educational short techniques, mainly because then it gets to use the word “eschew”, the short opts not to have a nebbishy man or lecturing woman narrate. Instead it has a fish do it. A fish named Silverus. A fish named Silverus whom the short informs us can communicate with the boy who maintains the aquarium while he plays ice hockey on a nearby pond. - Nutrition: The All-American MealE11
Nutrition: The All-American MealAh, how little these poor Carter-voting rubes knew. You will probably watch Nutrition while consuming the Pizza Hut Ten Dollar Meal box (contents: bread & cheese), or perhaps the monstrosity known as the Baconator. If you are lucky enough you may even scarf down a taco with a shell made out of a giant dorito, washed down by a varietal of Mountain Dew whose color did not exist in the 1970s. You will see these be-muttonchopped, floral print wearing ninnies lecture about the negative health properties of a burger that shockingly contained no onion rings or pulled pork. And you will laugh. - The Hare and the TortoiseE18
The Hare and the TortoiseYou’ll learn important lessons as you watch a narrator impose sentient thought on a bunch of drugged-up animals, but the true lesson of The Hare & The Tortoise is that you should study hard in school so you don’t end up being the guy who has to clean up after the animals on the set of The Hare & The Tortoise. - Get That JobE19
Get That JobOur main protagonist is a Ginger Walrus. After receiving his GED from Night School (Motto: Show Your Probation Card for half off science classes), he wants a job. The problem is, where to start? So he goes to a library to look for books about resumes, which is really what you should be doing instead of watching a worthless short film like Get That Job. Eventually, he lands the big interview with a boss who is in no way overcompensating for his baldness by growing a ridiculous beard. Will our hero smooth talk his way into a dream job? Or will he mistakenly inform the delusional man interviewing him that he looks like the worst Wooly Willy variation imaginable in a suit. Join Mike, Kevin and Bill to find out! - Perc! Pop! Sprinkle!E20
Perc! Pop! Sprinkle!This one takes the standard educational short goal, “waste the kids’ time while teacher sips from a flask,” to a whole new level, by actually showing OTHER kids having THEIR time wasted. A group of children, possibly detainees in a secret government prison, are put through a series of “exercises” meant to replicate the motions of common devices familiar to kids...like, y’know, an antique coffee grinder. But at least the motions...are also confusing and really dumb. Maybe the short’s real goal was to make kids shut up and appreciate ordinary jumping jacks and push-ups? Enough questions, just join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the hallucinatory gym class fever of Perc! Pop! Sprinkle! - Choking: To Save a LifeE21
Choking: To Save a LifeWe’ve all been there: enjoying a nice TV dinner of Swanson’s “Slightly Bigger Than Bite Size” salisbury steak (seems irresponsible on their part frankly), when all of a sudden BOOM! The person across from the table starts choking. “This could never happen to me” you say. Oh really? “Yes really,” you say. “Obviously if I am eating a Swanson TV dinner, I am doing so alone, possibly having not even bothered to do the crucial ‘stir’ maneuver halfway through the suggested microwaving time.” Damn, she’s right! (“Obviously I am also a man” you say.) Well, the point is, someone you know is probably going to choke at some point in time, and you should know what to do in order to save their life. So watch this short, then do the exact opposite, and you should be fine. This applies to all haircuts, fashion and home decor seen in this short as well. - Tic Toc Time ClockE22
Tic Toc Time ClockTic Toc Time Clock tells the tale of a gym coach gone rogue. Instead of rope-climbing or push ups, he makes his students arrange themselves in clock formations on the ground, presumably as part of some ancient ritual meant to make people finally like gym coaches. He fails. As will any kids who learned to tell time from Tic Toc Time Clock!