Onion News Network

Season 2009

TV-PG
Onion News Network is a parody television news show. The show premiered its ten-episode first season on January 21, 2011, at 10:00 p.m. EST on IFC.

In March 2007, The Onion launched The Onion News Network, a daily web video broadcast that had been in production since sometime in mid-2006. The Onion invested about $1 million in production and hired 15 staffers to focus on the venture. Carol Kolb, former Editor-in-Chief of The Onion is the ONN's head writer; and Will Graham is the showrunner and Executive Producer. It is implied on-air that the ONN show "FactZone with Brooke Alvarez" is "simulcasted" on IFC Friday nights at 10pm ET.

Where to Watch Season 2009

96 Episodes

  • Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard
    E105
    Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No KeyboardThe MacBook Wheel lets consumers accomplish everyday tasks like typing with just a few dozen spins and clicks of a wheel.
  • Man Who Crossed Nation In Balloon Only Wants To Talk About Horse Abuse
    E106
    Man Who Crossed Nation In Balloon Only Wants To Talk About Horse AbuseToday Now! welcomes adventurer and balloonist Trent Montaug, who is determined to steer the conversation to the horrors of horse abuse.
  • Survivors Of Gas Station Explosion Mourn Tragic Loss Of Gasoline
    E112
    Survivors Of Gas Station Explosion Mourn Tragic Loss Of GasolineCommunity members who didn't burn to death are struggling to accept the devastating loss of so much premium fuel.
  • Congress Debates Adding Elaborate Dance To Obama's Inauguration Ceremony
    E113
    Congress Debates Adding Elaborate Dance To Obama's Inauguration CeremonyRep. Cummings (D-VA) wants to mark Obamas historic inauguration with an intricately choreographed dance piece of his own creation.
  • Bratz Dolls May Give Young Girls Unrealistic Expectations Of Head Size
    E119
    Bratz Dolls May Give Young Girls Unrealistic Expectations Of Head SizeIn Beyond The Facts, we examine how Bratz are convincing a generation of girls that to be hip and beautiful they have to have gigantic heads.
  • Police Say School Shooter Had Troubled Past, History Of School Shootings
    E120
    Police Say School Shooter Had Troubled Past, History Of School ShootingsTeachers may have overlooked a number of red flags, including Bobby Knowles' turbulent home life, violent writing, and previous school shootings.
  • Kim Jong Il Announces Plan To Bring Moon To North Korea
    E126
    Kim Jong Il Announces Plan To Bring Moon To North KoreaFrom Onion News Network International: North Korea's space program will capture the moon and bring it home, a feat no Western nation could accomplish.
  • How To Wax Your Floors Without Slipping And Severing Your Spine
    E127
    How To Wax Your Floors Without Slipping And Severing Your SpineAuthor Jerry Bloom visits Today Now to explain how you can make your kitchen floor shine without falling and paralyzing yourself for life.
  • Tom Coughlin Retires From Family To Spend More Time With Team
    E202
    Tom Coughlin Retires From Family To Spend More Time With TeamThe Giants Coach said he valued the years he spent with his family, but wants to focus on more important things now.
  • In The Know: Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards For Skanks?
    E204
    In The Know: Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards For Skanks?Our panelists debate whether TV programs like A Double Shot At Love and The Bad Girls Club depict unattainable levels of skankiness.
  • Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work
    E209
    Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking WorkOur Tech Trends reporter looks at the new gizmo Sony promises will revolutionize the way consumers become infuriated by goddamn blinking TV box things.
  • FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful
    E211
    FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly CheerfulMade by Pfizer, Despondex is the first drug designed to treat the symptoms of excessive perkiness.
  • East Timor's First Female Dictator Hailed As Step Forward For Women
    E216
    East Timor's First Female Dictator Hailed As Step Forward For WomenAmivi Gama's violent rise to power has proved that women are just as capable as men when it comes to brutality and oppression.
  • Courageous Man Refuses To Believe He Has Cancer
    E218
    Courageous Man Refuses To Believe He Has CancerOn Today Now, Peter Hedgemont shares the inspirational tale of how he has refused to let a cancer diagnosis convince him he has cancer.
  • Spam Crackdown Threatens Koy4Goff's Penis Enlarger, Free iPod Industry
    E223
    Spam Crackdown Threatens Koy4Goff's Penis Enlarger, Free iPod IndustryThe U.S. is considering sanctions against the Eastern European nation if it does not reduce the number of unsolicited offers for Viagra and replica handbags it sends.
  • Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse?
    E225
    Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse?Panelists debate whether games like Fallout 3 and Gears Of War 2 are teaching children skills they'll really need in the End Times.
  • Jennifer Love Hewitt Pays Magazine 2.2 Million To Run Photos Of Her Baby
    E226
    Jennifer Love Hewitt Pays Magazine 2.2 Million To Run Photos Of Her BabyCelebrity watchers attribute the exorbitant price to the incredibly low demand for any news about Jennifer Love Hewitt.
  • Congressman Offers Preemptive Apology For Extramarital Affair
    E227
    Congressman Offers Preemptive Apology For Extramarital AffairRep. Gregory White (D-NH) tearfully asks forgiveness for the degrading and sinful acts he is about to engage in.
  • NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 Teams
    E228
    NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 TeamsOnline universities and bible colleges will be among the thousands of teams vying to prove they are the best in the nation.
  • Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat
    E229
    Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No ThreatPanelists dismiss the notion that something could go wrong with the 75-foot-tall crabs that shoot acid from their mouths.
  • Manufacturer Recalls Hollow Point Bullets That Fail To Explode Inside Targets
    E230
    Manufacturer Recalls Hollow Point Bullets That Fail To Explode Inside TargetsSteel Hawk Inc. is offering a full refund to customers who bought thenon-flesh-shredding bullets.
  • Paleontologists Discover Skeleton Of Natures First Sexual Predator
    E231
    Paleontologists Discover Skeleton Of Natures First Sexual PredatorPaleontologists believe the intact skeleton could shed light on the bizarre fetishes of this pervert dinosaur.
  • Prague's Franz Kafka International Named World's Most Alienating Airport
    E232
    Prague's Franz Kafka International Named World's Most Alienating AirportBusiness Week ranked the airport last in customer satisfaction due to long delays, bureaucratic employees, and overall oppressive atmosphere.
  • Congressmans War Hero Son Would Have Wanted Highway Bill Passed
    E233
    Congressmans War Hero Son Would Have Wanted Highway Bill PassedRep. David Whittle (D-VA) speaks passionately about how his son, who died in Iraq, would have loved to see this appropriations bill passed.
  • DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack
    E234
    DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear AttackGeorgia police were so confident Marshall was the man who killed young Janet Kelly in a state bear preserve, they didn't investigate other suspects.
  • Morning Show Host Starts Charity To Rid World Of Flying Debris
    E235
    Morning Show Host Starts Charity To Rid World Of Flying DebrisAfter her best friend was killed by flying debris, Today Now host Tracy Gill dedicated her life to protecting other people from wind-borne rubble.
  • Hot New Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People Point-Blank In The Face
    E236
    Hot New Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People Point-Blank In The FaceExperts say Close Range sets a new standard for first-person shooter games with its vivid graphics and endless stream of exploding faces.
  • Study: Children Exposed To Pornography May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable
    E237
    Study: Children Exposed To Pornography May Expect Sex To Be EnjoyablePanelists discuss how pornography warps children's minds, leading them to believe sex is actually fun rather than shameful and embarrassing.
  • Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Surpasses Two Hand Jobs
    E238
    Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Surpasses Two Hand JobsFrom the Onion Prison Channel: Prison analysts warn rising inflation could devalue everything from rim jobs to shivs.
  • Treasury Department Issues Emergency Recall Of All US Dollars
    E239
    Treasury Department Issues Emergency Recall Of All US DollarsTreasury Officials say the dye used in printed money is extremely toxic and urge Americans to send all their cash to Washington immediately.
  • More American Workers Outsourcing Own Jobs Overseas
    E240
    More American Workers Outsourcing Own Jobs OverseasA new Department of Labor report finds personal outsourcing is revolutionizing how Americans don't do their own work.
  • Should We Be Doing More To Reduce The Graphic Violence In Our Dreams?
    E241
    Should We Be Doing More To Reduce The Graphic Violence In Our Dreams?In The Know panelists discuss whether seeing images of dead babies and bludgeoned prostitutes in our sleep is desensitizing Americans to violence.
  • Autoworkers Compete to Keep Jobs, Livelihoods on New Reality Show
    E242
    Autoworkers Compete to Keep Jobs, Livelihoods on New Reality ShowOn Auto Warriors two Ford plants will battle it out, building to the LIVE season finale event: one plant will close, 3,000 will get the axe!
  • Ambassador Stages Coup At UN, Issues Long List of Non-Binding Resolutions
    E243
    Ambassador Stages Coup At UN, Issues Long List of Non-Binding ResolutionsUganda's Ambassador is threatening to abolish the Committee on Conferences and author the draft calendar of conferences and meetings himself.
  • Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'
    E244
    Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'Long time fans of the Star Trek franchise say JJ Abrams' enjoyable, engaging prequel betrays what Star Trek is all about.
  • Special Boy With Freakishly Large Brain Wins Spelling Bee
    E245
    Special Boy With Freakishly Large Brain Wins Spelling BeeOn Today Now!, Jim and Tracy meet James Kimura, a 12-year-old afflicted with the ability to spell long words normal kids don't even care about.
  • Pentagon Reports Army Mascot 'Liberty' Killed in Iraq
    E246
    Pentagon Reports Army Mascot 'Liberty' Killed in IraqAppointed by Bush in 2003 to distract from the horrors of war, Liberty's antics turned fatal yesterday when he cart-wheeled into a roadside bomb.
  • Congressman's Son Won't Shut The Hell Up During Hearing
    E247
    Congressman's Son Won't Shut The Hell Up During HearingCongressman Eisley conducts hearing on Market Data Protection Reform, restrains self from murdering five year old son.
  • Police Slog Through 40,000 Insipid Party Pics To Find Cause Of Dorm Fire
    E248
    Police Slog Through 40,000 Insipid Party Pics To Find Cause Of Dorm FireThe fire was ruled an accident after a tedious review of thousands of digital photos documenting every second of the five hour party.
  • NHL Tries To Woo Fans By Increasing Scoring With Bigger Nets, 3-Point Line
    E249
    NHL Tries To Woo Fans By Increasing Scoring With Bigger Nets, 3-Point LineHockey officials hope to attract fans and create a higher-scoring, fast-paced game with a new aerodynamic puck and artificial turf instead of ice.
  • Nation's Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: 'Let's Move In Together'
    E250
    Nation's Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: 'Let's Move In Together'Girlfriends' spokesperson Kelly Ambrose joins us in the Financial Fallout Shelter to discuss why Boyfriends moving in with them just makes fiscal sense right now.
  • Political Talk Show Host Suddenly Very Interested In Manslaughter Law Loopholes
    E251
    Political Talk Show Host Suddenly Very Interested In Manslaughter Law LoopholesHost becomes curiously pushy, sweaty in this roundtable discussion about loopholes in manslaughter law in the US.
  • Conservatives Warn Quick Sex Change Only Barrier Between Gays, Marriage
    E252
    Conservatives Warn Quick Sex Change Only Barrier Between Gays, MarriageRep. Iscoe warns gays will give penises to lesbians who will give them vagina's so that homosexuals can marry and continue their attack on the American family.
  • New BabySafe Ball Makes Shaking Your Infant Guilt And Injury Free
    E253
    New BabySafe Ball Makes Shaking Your Infant Guilt And Injury FreeDesigned with the frustrated, sleep-deprived parent in mind, the BabySafe Ball can withstand shaking, stabbing, and claims you wish it'd never been born.
  • Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's
    E254
    Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny'sObama will abandon complex policies on emissions, clean coal and refocus on achievable goals like applying deodorant daily, learning what to say when you burp.
  • Congressman Demands To Know Who Left Fish Sandwich To Rot On House Floor
    E255
    Congressman Demands To Know Who Left Fish Sandwich To Rot On House FloorRep. McCullough cannot even fathom the amount of contempt you'd have to hold for Congress, the American people to do something so inconsiderate.
  • Gymnast Shawn Johnson Put To Sleep After Breaking Leg
    E256
    Gymnast Shawn Johnson Put To Sleep After Breaking LegAfter gym doctors confirmed the injuries were career-ending, Johnson's trainers said there was no reason to keep her alive.
  • US To Trade Gold Reserves For Cash Through Cash4Gold.com
    E257
    US To Trade Gold Reserves For Cash Through Cash4Gold.comTreasury officials say the gold has just been rattling around in the bottom of some vaults at the US Bullion Depository anyway, and the government...
  • Obama To Hold Job Performance Review With Every American Worker
    E258
    Obama To Hold Job Performance Review With Every American WorkerThe President says the purpose of the performance reviews is to have a little face time to make sure we're all on the same page going forward.
  • Taco Bell's New Green Menu Takes No Ingredients From Nature
    E259
    Taco Bell's New Green Menu Takes No Ingredients From NatureTaco Bell boasts zero environmental impact with their new menu which will rely solely on synthetic, lab-produced ingredients.
  • New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less
    E260
    New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move LessFast food giant Yum! Brands believes its new feedbags will make it even easier for Americans to constantly be eating.
  • Mexico Builds Border Wall To Keep Out US Assholes
    E261
    Mexico Builds Border Wall To Keep Out US AssholesCitizens across Mexico hope that the new Asshole Wall will stem the tide of assholes that visit from the US each year to aggressively drink, vomit.
  • New Live Poll Allows Pundits To Pander To Viewers In Real Time
    E262
    New Live Poll Allows Pundits To Pander To Viewers In Real TimeIn The Know's new live internet poll feature revolutionizes how pundits shamelessly cater to what viewers want to hear.
  • Obama Axes Pentagon Plan To Build Billion Dollar Tank In Shape Of Dragon
    E263
    Obama Axes Pentagon Plan To Build Billion Dollar Tank In Shape Of DragonSupporters of the Pentagon's Dragon Tank urge Obama to reconsider the fearsome power of titanium nostrils mounted with long-range flamethrowers.
  • Human Rights Group Campaigns To End Use Of Child Politicians In Africa
    E264
    Human Rights Group Campaigns To End Use Of Child Politicians In AfricaJim and Tracy learn that in nations like Sierra Leone children as young as 12 are forced to smile, wave, and shake hands until they drop from exhaustion.
  • Chinas Andy Rooney Has Some Funny Opinions About How Great The Chinese Government Is
    E265
    Chinas Andy Rooney Has Some Funny Opinions About How Great The Chinese Government IsThe curmudgeonly Poyuan Wei thinks the only thing wrong with the Chinese Government is that they are not tough enough on dissidents.
  • Evander Holyfield To Box Horse For Heavyweight Title
    E266
    Evander Holyfield To Box Horse For Heavyweight TitleBoxing officials are hoping the once in a lifetime chance to see Holyfield try to take down thoroughbred Evening Dream will reignite interest in...
  • Congresswoman Says Botched Plastic Surgery Most Important Issue Facing U.S.
    E267
    Congresswoman Says Botched Plastic Surgery Most Important Issue Facing U.S.Rep. Lynn Merriweather says bill will protect the millions of Americans who just want to appear as young as they feel on the inside, that's all.
  • U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt
    E268
    U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National DebtCongress says that with no way to actually pay back our debts, faking a coup to eliminate financial obligations is the best plan for the U.S. economy.
  • Ex-Pedophile Shares Tips On How To Make Your Kids Less Attractive
    E269
    Ex-Pedophile Shares Tips On How To Make Your Kids Less AttractiveChild safety expert and ex-pedophile Terry Parker drops in on the morning show to share some insider tips from his years spent as a sex offender!
  • Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy By Moving To Remote Village
    E270
    Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy By Moving To Remote VillageWeb users who choose to move to the desolate village are guaranteed an environment free from Google products and natural light from the sun.
  • Advocacy Group Decries PETA's Inhumane Treatment Of Women
    E271
    Advocacy Group Decries PETA's Inhumane Treatment Of WomenWomen Deserve Better says PETA abuses defenseless, simple-minded women by forcing them to remove their clothes and participate in humiliating publicity stunts.
  • White House Reveals Obama Is Bipolar, Has Entered Depressive Phase
    E272
    White House Reveals Obama Is Bipolar, Has Entered Depressive PhaseWhite House officials admit Obama's extreme confidence and total euphoria over "hope" and "change" were symptoms of a prolonged manic episode.
  • Baseball Superstar Accused of Performance-Enhancing Genie Use
    E273
    Baseball Superstar Accused of Performance-Enhancing Genie UseDespite eyebrows raised by his .850 batting average and Persian oil lamp he carries everywhere, 'Magic Lamp' emphatically denies ever using a genie.
  • Sudden Ominous Music Heard Across U.S., Nation Panicking
    E274
    Sudden Ominous Music Heard Across U.S., Nation PanickingGovernment officials have not determined the source of the music or what it could portend, but they urge Americans to avoid deserted mansions, woods, and eerily quiet lake cabins.
  • Is Using A Minotaur To Gore Detainees A Form Of Torture?
    E275
    Is Using A Minotaur To Gore Detainees A Form Of Torture?In The Know panelists discuss the closing of the controversial detainee labyrinth and debate whether the Minotaurs sternum-stomping-by-hooves...
  • Facebook, Twitter Revolutionizing How Parents Stalk Their College-Aged Kids
    E276
    Facebook, Twitter Revolutionizing How Parents Stalk Their College-Aged Kids'E-Mom' Gloria Bianco shows Jim and Tracy how geographical distance is no longer a roadblock to shamelessly interfering with the lives of your children.
  • NFL Players Mentor Troubled Detroit Lions
    E277
    NFL Players Mentor Troubled Detroit LionsThanks to the NFL's Mentoring Program, the Lions got to spend a fun-filled day with the pros learning to catch, tackle.
  • Americans Observing 911 By Trying Not To Masturbate
    E278
    Americans Observing 911 By Trying Not To MasturbateAmericans say attending a 911 vigil or observing a moment of silence to only then come home to jerk off is disrespectful and wrong.
  • U.S. Condemned For Pre-Emptive Use Of Hillary Clinton Against Pakistan
    E279
    U.S. Condemned For Pre-Emptive Use Of Hillary Clinton Against PakistanInnocent civilians across the impact zone are picking up the pieces after Secretary of State Clinton's tedious visits to their farms, cultural centers.
  • Report: Growing Ranks Of Nouveau Poor Facing Discrimination From Old Poor
    E280
    Report: Growing Ranks Of Nouveau Poor Facing Discrimination From Old PoorAs Americans rush to join the Nouveau Poor, panelists debate whether the newly poor are capable of integrating with long established poor families from old poverty roots.
  • BREAKING NEWS: BAT LOOSE IN CONGRESS
    E281
    BREAKING NEWS: BAT LOOSE IN CONGRESSCongress is deadlocked on the best way to get a bat out of their committee chamber.
  • Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar
    E282
    Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar8 year old Lucas Armitage has become a national hero after bravely defending his home by shooting a burglar multiple times in the chest and neck.
  • Crime Reporter Finds Way Of Linking Warehouse Fire To Depraved Sex Act
    E283
    Crime Reporter Finds Way Of Linking Warehouse Fire To Depraved Sex ActOn Raw Justice, host Dean Reid investigates the closed case of an 'accidental' fire and finds shocking new evidence of sexually motivated arson.
  • Are The Obamas Out Of Touch With The Average Miserable American Family?
    E284
    Are The Obamas Out Of Touch With The Average Miserable American Family?Panelists discuss whether Obama's openly loving family is a slap in the face to the average American who only bears feelings of resentment towards relatives.
  • New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens 'It's Gay To Smoke'
    E285
    New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens 'It's Gay To Smoke'The CDC's new anti-smoking campaign effectively reaches teens with a simple message: if you smoke, people are going to know you're totally crazy for butt sex.
  • Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire
    E286
    Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging WildfireWhite House officials are confident the President will be able to convince the wildfire to stop incinerating large swaths of land and American homes.
  • Stalker Financial Expert Offers Recession Tips Just For Woman He Follows
    E287
    Stalker Financial Expert Offers Recession Tips Just For Woman He FollowsDan Kellogg visits Today NOW! with money tips for one particular woman who forgot to close her bedroom drapes last night.
  • Bad Boy Fencing Star Implicated In Yet Another Daring Jewel Heist
    E288
    Bad Boy Fencing Star Implicated In Yet Another Daring Jewel HeistSteam Room analysts debate whether the International Fencing Federation should rein in this rogue, or if De La Croix will narrowly escape yet again.
  • Gaffe-Prone Biden Embarrasses Nation Yet Again By Sneezing During Meeting
    E289
    Gaffe-Prone Biden Embarrasses Nation Yet Again By Sneezing During MeetingIn The Know panelists call Biden's decision to sneeze in the middle of a high level policy meeting 'disgusting' and 'completely inappropriate.'
  • How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son
    E290
    How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate SonExpert stops by Today NOW! to show parents of girly sons costume tips to survive Halloween without accentuating their child's obvious homosexuality.
  • Fatal Staples Center Collapse Brings Merciful Early End To Clippers Game
    E291
    Fatal Staples Center Collapse Brings Merciful Early End To Clippers GamePeople are breathing a sigh of relief today for the long-suffering spectators' sudden deaths, and for the total elimination of the Clippers' roster off the face of the earth.
  • Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck
    E292
    Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn BeckAn honors student died in the crash today, leaving the nation to wonder why the grisly experience of burning alive was not reserved for Glenn Beck.
  • Ford Unveils New Car For Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus
    E293
    Ford Unveils New Car For Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 TaurusFord says the '93 Taurus is the only car to drive in 2010, and they think Americans will have no other choice but to agree.
  • Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks
    E294
    Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing TrucksDesigners say the new game explores the endless paperwork, routine patrolling a modern day soldier endures in photorealistic detail.
  • Obama's Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner
    E295
    Obama's Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family DinnerOfficials say the President's home teleprompter is simply a tool to make sure pillow talk with Michelle or conversations with his Mother-In-Law go smoothly.
  • Boy Finds Own Real-Life E.T.
    E296
    Boy Finds Own Real-Life E.T.11 year old Thomas Demming visits Today NOW! with the magical friend he hid for weeks in his bedroom closet.
  • Zombie Reagan Raised From Grave To Lead GOP
    E297
    Zombie Reagan Raised From Grave To Lead GOPRepublicans say they have found their fresh new face in the corpse of Ronald Reagan, recently back from the dead.
  • Report: Most College Males Admit To Regularly Getting Stoked
    E298
    Report: Most College Males Admit To Regularly Getting StokedPanelists discuss whether there is an epidemic among young people today who get stoked over everything from free keychains to tacos.
  • DEA Recruits Lil Wayne To Use Up All Drugs In Mexico
    E299
    DEA Recruits Lil Wayne To Use Up All Drugs In MexicoThe DEA says Lil Wayne is an indispensable weapon against Mexican drug cartels having eradicated 40 tons of marijuana alone by smoking it himself.
  • Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children's Picture Book Series
    E300
    Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children's Picture Book SeriesAdult readers say they are drawn to the 'Green Man' children's book series by the complexity of its characters ranging from yellow to blue.
  • Internet Archaeologists Find Ruins Of 'Friendster' Civilization
    E301
    Internet Archaeologists Find Ruins Of 'Friendster' CivilizationResearchers conducting the Friendster excavation say the site has been deserted since the year 2005 A.D.
  • Overcome Stress By Visualizing It As A Greedy, Hook-Nosed Race Of Creatures
    E302
    Overcome Stress By Visualizing It As A Greedy, Hook-Nosed Race Of Creatures
  • Prague's Franz Kafka International Named World's Most Alienating Airport
    E303
    Prague's Franz Kafka International Named World's Most Alienating Airport
  • Ambassador Stages Coup At UN, Issues Long List of Non-Binding Resolutions
    E304
    Ambassador Stages Coup At UN, Issues Long List of Non-Binding Resolutions
  • China Celebrates Its Status As World’s Number One Air Polluter
    E305
    China Celebrates Its Status As World’s Number One Air Polluter

 

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