Adolph Shultz sat in the little room behind his little delicatessen shop and cursed the fate that saw fit to cast him for a delicatessen merchant instead of a baron. In the daily papers Adolph had read of the epidemic of heiress-seeking barons and promptly contracted acute baronitis. He lost his appetite for sauerkraut and potato salad and every time he looked at his plump frau, or one of the seven children, he experienced a sensation about the same as a bad man's hereafter. Mary Alden, a newspaper reporter, was in court when Mrs. Shultz and her seven children broke in. She (Mrs. Shultz) filled the air with riot and requested the judge to rivet a pair of handcuffs upon runaway Adolph and bring him back. At Kirby's farm there was great excitement. The Baron Dietrich had picked Madge Kirby for a steady listener of his love tales and Madge was delighted. A baron for a son-in-law made ma's heart flutter overtime. Farmer Kirby had no intention of splitting his fortune with a man he couldn't talk with, so every time the baron asked for Madge's hand Farmer Kirby got an attack of hesitation and called Peggy, the bulldog, who showed her disapproval of the baron by making half-moons with her teeth on different parts of his anatomy. In fact, Peggy assisted Farmer Kirby and Jack Hopkins, Madge's former suitor, in making the baron as uncomfortable as possible, but his finish was made certain by the arrival of Mary Alden, the reporter, who came to visit the Kirbys. Assisted by Peggy, she prevented the pair from eloping, and to confirm her suspicion that Shultz was one and the same, she telegraphed for Mrs. Shultz. Five minutes after the lady arrived something that sounded like yells of mortal agony came from the tall grass back of the farm to prove that the lady was making good. So endeth the romance of Adolph.
