Blondes Have More Guns

Name: Blondes Have More Guns
Director: George Merriweather
Genre: Comedy, Thriller
Released: 1996-02-16
Duration: 5353855 s
Cast: Michael McGaharn, Elizabeth Keifer, Richard Neil

Directed by George Merriweather

1996 89mComedy, Thriller

4.433%

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A bumbling detective, along with his loyal sidekick and a man in a dog suit, tracks down a sultry chainsaw murderess!

Cast of Blondes Have More Guns

Michael McGaharnHarry Bates
Elizabeth KeiferMontana Beaver-Shotz
Richard NeilDick Smoker
Gloria LusiakDakota Beaver
André BrazeauCaptain Hook
David MyersLyle Shotz
Brian A. YorkThe Doctor
Benny BuettnerDr. Hasselblad /Henry (as Bennie Buttner)
Ramona LisaPatricia Martin
Derek-James YeeTom Woo
Ron MeierDetective
Richard MyersDahmer
Anderson LimShort Cop
Bebe ConradAthletic Cop (as Elizabeth Conrad)
Paul FerrariSecurity Guard
Carol DalyLorena
Dianne LanningHarry's Mother
Megan BajonHarry's Sister
Antoinette SandmannMrs. Landers
Cathy PizzaScreaming Woman
Karl-Heinz TeuberMontana's Father
John FarisTelemarketer
Regis DeMidioTelevision Producer
Ferris SuerLast Rights Priest
Brian VouglasWedding Priest (as Brian Vouglass)
Doug HoltSir Valliance
Lee PhillipsNurse
David FurtadoHugh Myer
Denise GernandtBouncer
George MerriweatherDirector / Writer / Producer
Dan GoodmanWriter
Mary GuthrieWriter
Michael HerzProducer
Lloyd KaufmanProducer

Blondes Have More Guns Ratings & Reviews

jackmeatJune 25, 2025
My quick rating - 4.6/10. Ever wonder what would happen if Naked Gun and Basic Instinct got drunk, hooked up in a Troma Studios janitor’s closet, and then raised the offspring on late-night cable TV? Well, wonder no more. Blondes Have More Guns is the glorious, goofy result of that hypothetical union—an absurdist cop spoof packed with puns, plot holes, and enough visual gags to induce whiplash. Whether that’s from laughter or disbelief is entirely up to your blood alcohol content. At the center of this flick is Officer Harry Bates (Michael McGaharn), who is described as the "smartest" man on the force, though frankly, he couldn’t outwit a Roomba with a low battery. Luckily, he’s not alone. He’s got his trusty partner, Dick Smoker (yes, really), and a “dog” who’s very clearly just a grown man in a cheap dog costume. And honestly? That’s not even the weirdest part of the movie. The mystery? Oh yes, there is one. A trail of corpses (and not all of them are dead!) connected by only a scarf, a chainsaw, and a mysterious blonde. It’s all the evidence Harry needs to dive headfirst into a case he’ll inevitably bungle, especially once he gets entangled with Montana and Dakota, a set of twin half step-sisters (don’t ask). As expected, the moment romance enters, his brain leaves the building faster than a Troma intern who just read the script. The film opens with the obligatory Troma “boobs-for-boobs’-sake” scene, complete with inexplicable voice dubbing that might be parody… or just the editor giving up. That same dubbing pops up randomly throughout the movie, like a drunk narrator with a remote and no shame. Fortunately (or unfortunately), the pace of gags is relentless. If you blink, you might miss a dumb joke—though odds are, it’ll be repeated with a cymbal crash five seconds later just to make sure it lands. The humor is shotgun-blasted at your face, and about half the pellets hit. The first 20 minutes of the 89-minute film are surprisingly solid, leaning into zany wordplay, silly set pieces, and rapid-fire dialogue. But by the final act, it feels like the writers either ran out of money, jokes, or the will to live. The chainsaw promised in the synopsis barely revs. And gore? Practically nonexistent. This is a Troma movie without the blood or body parts, like ordering a burger from a steakhouse and getting a tofu sandwich instead. Still, credit where it’s due: Elizabeth Key as the sultry sisters delivers one of the more competent comedic performances. She’s charming, funny, and—judging by her IMDb—apparently vanished into the void after this. A shame. She was easily the highlight of the film, followed closely by a banana-based restaurant scene that may or may not have caused nerve damage (in a good way). Bottom line: Blondes Have More Guns isn’t high art, but it’s got enough chuckles, chaos, and cleavage to qualify as a guilty pleasure. Bring a six-pack and some friends with questionable taste, and you might just have a blast. It is a low-budget, high-gag-density spoof with a soft spot for silliness and sex jokes. Definitely not for everyone—but then again, neither is a guy in a dog suit solving crimes. So dumb it’s almost brilliant. Almost.

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