Two and a Half Men

Season 1

TV-14

80%87%

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

Where to Watch Two and a Half Men • Season 1

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24 Episodes

Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal
E1
Most Chicks Won't Eat VealAfter 12 years of marriage, Alan's wife Judith, kicks him out and he turns to his older brother Charlie for help. Charlie has trouble altering his carefree lifestyle to accommodate the presence of his 10-year-old nephew Jake.
Big Flappy Bastards
E2
Big Flappy BastardsDespite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
E3
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of HellJake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
E4
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a NapAs Charlie tries to write a new jingle, Berta quits, and Alan, leaving Charlie to get Jake ready for a dinner, tries to convince her to come back; Rose tries to get Charlie's help to prepare for a date.
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
E5
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a HumpCharlie objected to being commandeered by Alan to bring Jake to soccer, and to the wimpy idea to 'teach' the boys not to keep scores. However he finds Ernie's army brat soccer ma Kate agrees, so he arranges a play-date, win-win for boys of both generations. Alas there's also Ernie's dad, Bill. Alan scolds Charlie for 'using his son', but is easily chased by divorced soccer ma Gloria -too pushy for Charlie- and her sister Brooke.
Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
E6
Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
E7
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually FakeJake sees a butterfly tattoo on the firm bottom of a surfer-chick friend of Charlie's and draws a picture of it for school. Of course, this enrages Judith until she becomes very good friends with the woman herself.
Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
E8
Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-FulAfter being tricked into helping Alan and Judith produce Jake's class musical, Charlie is flattered to find out that the kids know all the words to his jingles. Alan is blindsided with divorce papers from Judith, causing strife which results in Charlie, who refuses to deal with the pre-pubers without a snootful, having to produce the play on his own. Jake is crushed when he realizes that a reconciliation between his parents might never happen.
Phase One, Complete
E9
Phase One, CompleteCharlie is not amused when his latest flirt Wendy's eagerness to help out with Jake and the Harper brothers' household seems to land him into a 'real' relationship. He's also worried sick to hear that she gets along with Evelyn. So Charlie dumps Wendy, but Jake keeps giving him the cold shoulder. Meanwhile Charlie worries about Scrabble bringing Alan closer to his loony stalker Rose.
Merry Thanksgiving
E10
Merry ThanksgivingThanksgiving winds up being the least thankful day of the year for Charlie, who has to bribe various members of his household to even come to a traditional turkey dinner. Not only are the usual feuds in evidence (leading to a turkey-carving right out of "Psycho") but Judith's parents are actually sympathetic to Alan and hostile to their own daughter for her "fling" with lesbianism.
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
E11
Alan Harper, Frontier ChiropractorAlan and Charlie discover Judith is dating again - with Jake's soccer coach. Alan is jealous and wants to start dating again too, but he's as hopeless at it as Charlie infallible. Even shopping for more fashionable attire with Charlie is a disaster. Meanwhile grandma Evelyn babysits Jake- to either's horror, so Rose takes over.
Camel Filters and Pheromones
E12
Camel Filters and PheromonesBerta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.
Sarah Like Puny Alan
E13
Sarah Like Puny AlanCharlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.
I Can't Afford Hyenas
E14
I Can't Afford HyenasCharlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
E15
Round One to the Hot Crazy ChickSeeing Frankie completely vandalize her therapist's car for telling her she has anger control issues, Alan just wants to run, but Charlie just sees unrestrained sex potential and takes her in. Rose declares her dangerous at first sight, like she once was. When Frankie proves an avid fan of chiropractics, Alan can't help himself anymore. She denies Charlie sex and gets the brothers to help her retrieve something - her preteen daughter Joanie.
That Was Saliva, Alan
E16
That Was Saliva, AlanCharlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
E17
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the HatsCharlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.
An Old Flame with a New Wick
E18
An Old Flame with a New WickCharlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
E19
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember YouWhen Judith gets a visit from her ever-rivaling, sexier (but less smart) sister, Liz, Alan fears trouble because Liz had sex with Charlie in the cloakroom at his and Judith's wedding. Charlie expects Liz to go for Alan now, who thinks she really fancies him, but he is only the next best weapon to hurt Judith.
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
E20
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the DarkJake plays his electric guitar all day long and doesn't want to do anything else. Alan and Charlie can't figure out why. Jake refuses to discuss anything with anyone, including his grandmother and even a psychologist.
No Sniffing, No Wowing
E21
No Sniffing, No WowingCharlie tries to seduce Alan's divorce lawyer Laura, and her assistant. He sleeps with Laura and they decide not to tell Alan anything since it's unethical, considering that Charlie is a participant in the case.
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
E22
My Doctor Has a Cow PuppetWhen Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.
Just Like Buffalo
E23
Just Like BuffaloWhen Jake repeats to Judith something Charlie says, she refuses to let Alan take Jake for the weekend. Alan tries to talk to Judith, but encounters resistance from her and her friends. It's up to Charlie to set things right.
Can You Feel My Finger?
E24
Can You Feel My Finger?Charlie is sure he isn't ready for fatherhood after a year of trying to raise Jake, so he opts to have a vasectomy. But when the doctor performing the procedure keeps getting calls from his wife, who's about to give birth, Charlie starts to think about what fatherhood might entail and likes the idea, provided he still has his vital organs intact--in more ways than one.